the last one.

so it's the end of my relationship with blogger.com.  it's not that i haven't loved our time together, but it is that i've realized that this blog has been wonderful because i have learned how to express my feelings and talk about truth and life and love and pain. [and for a long time, until my friend marcus started blogging, no one really knew about this site--at least, no one in my physical world...]  i've also realized that these are things i can't air to the general public, and i love to write. so, i'm starting over.  i'll keep this blog, but i'm going to begin a new wordpress blog soon which will have thoughts from everyday life and my musings, but in a bit more "light" manner. and the emotional feeling girl stuff--i have a journal that is perfect for all of that :)

so here's what i've learned in the last year and a half while blogging:

i'm good enough. not good enough to save myself--utterly depraved, mind you--but i'm me. i'm who God created me to be.  and that has to be enough.

some people stay, and some people walk out.  and it hurts like everything, but in the end--it makes us who we are.

there's a whole lot of beauty in the breakdown.

i'm okay without you. without the guys i thought i loved, without the men i thought were fathers--i'm okay without you. i survived. i learned what it means to trust again.

i love to write, and i love urban areas, and i love guacamole. i love taking way too many pictures. i love getting lost in the moment. i love a good story and a great plot. i thrive on deep conversation.  i keep way too much of myself to myself.  so, it's time to open up and embrace what's next...

my bucket list.

-live in boston [even if it's just for a short period].
-fall in love, get married and adopt kids. preferably kids who are not caucasian.
-graduate with my master's degree.
-become comfortable with who God has created me to be.
-learn how to shag, even though i have two left feet.
-see and touch an actual gutenberg bible.
-make a difference in the world.
-be published [and not just a thesis].
-make an honest-to-goodness edible cheesecake.
-go skydiving [maybe...]
-see a real shooting star.