so i decided i need some goals for the next year...some of which are fun, some of which are serious, all of which are necessary. and maybe these aren't just for the next year, but for a while...so, these are my goals to accomplish...when i accomplish them.
1. downsize the crap i have. get rid of stuff i don't need.
2. buy a new comforter for my new bedroom, wherever i'll be living.
3. buy a new computer. (i kind of need to do this one pretty soon, actually).
4. go on a roadtrip with angel. or an airplane trip. i want to see either DC or nyc & boston again. and soon.
5. take my mom on a really nice vacation.
6. go to englad. i know, it seems like a lot of my things are "go to...," but i feel as if i have been bitten by the travel bug. oh, and go to ireland too.
7. buy new music on iTunes, especially great stuff for quiet time at camp.
8. go to the riverwalk and chill before i leave columbia.
9. read a few new, good books.
10. read through the Old and New Testament.
shine on.
Posteado en en 11:16 PM por amy
it's 11:18pm and i don't have class tomorrow until 11:00am...that's pretty awesome. i'm about to eat a mango. i've never eaten one before. they are kind of oddly shaped, and really....hard. maybe that means it's not ripe. and apparently you can't tell by the color. hmm...i'm going to try it anyways to see, after i write this blog.
i think you can tell a lot about someone from their profile pictures on facebook. the crazy, outgoing people...they always have really interesting pictures. they are always doing something off-the-wall. if i was one of those people, i'd have that kind of picture. i wish was a little more outgoing, but i'm not, so most of my pictures are just me cheesing, but i do try to put ones of significance: important moments, places, people...my current one is from leadership banquet this year. what a whirlwind of emotions! i'm still not sure quite how to feel about it all, though i've gotten to process a good bit today. the song "shine on" from needtobreathe really sums it up:
somewhere between the end
and the point where we begin
there's a fire burning brightly
that's found it's way to dim
when the feeling's gone
shine on, shine on
and onto something new
it's long and overdue
i will remember you
shine on, shine on
and let the others see
you've got your victory
will you remember me
i was with you in the valley
and up upon that hill
so take just one more step in front of you
for i am with you still, you still
and you're not alone
can you see my hands are open
i'm waiting just ahead
and you think you need it all now
but you needed me instead
it has been a great, wonderful, crazy, hectic, difficult, and blessed year. and i'm on to whatever is next, and remembering that God was with me in the valley, and on the hill...so no matter what, i'm covered.
by the way, i've decided from looking at my own collection of profile pictures that my hair...it just needs to be short like it is. i can't do the long hair.
g'night!
i think you can tell a lot about someone from their profile pictures on facebook. the crazy, outgoing people...they always have really interesting pictures. they are always doing something off-the-wall. if i was one of those people, i'd have that kind of picture. i wish was a little more outgoing, but i'm not, so most of my pictures are just me cheesing, but i do try to put ones of significance: important moments, places, people...my current one is from leadership banquet this year. what a whirlwind of emotions! i'm still not sure quite how to feel about it all, though i've gotten to process a good bit today. the song "shine on" from needtobreathe really sums it up:
somewhere between the end
and the point where we begin
there's a fire burning brightly
that's found it's way to dim
when the feeling's gone
shine on, shine on
and onto something new
it's long and overdue
i will remember you
shine on, shine on
and let the others see
you've got your victory
will you remember me
i was with you in the valley
and up upon that hill
so take just one more step in front of you
for i am with you still, you still
and you're not alone
can you see my hands are open
i'm waiting just ahead
and you think you need it all now
but you needed me instead
it has been a great, wonderful, crazy, hectic, difficult, and blessed year. and i'm on to whatever is next, and remembering that God was with me in the valley, and on the hill...so no matter what, i'm covered.
by the way, i've decided from looking at my own collection of profile pictures that my hair...it just needs to be short like it is. i can't do the long hair.
g'night!
the dip
Posteado en en 5:45 PM por amy
on the way back to columbia today after my birthday celebration at home this weekend, i listened to two older sermons from steven furtick. to be honest, i didn't really want to listen to them. they are from a few weeks ago and i really wanted to hear his newest segment on james, especially since he will be continuing that sermon series when we visit elevation on sunday. listening to those two sermons, however, rocked my world. steven furtick talks about what he calls "the dip"--low times in one's spiritual life. he talks about dips we are responsible for, out of our disobedience and ignorance, and then those dips that just...come.
it's nice whens omeone can find the words to express what you are feeling. until now, i would have never been able to put my finger on this condition. but after listening to those podcasts, it is clear the pain, loneliness, and fear i am feeling all come from "a dip" which is, in some ways, beyond my control. the bright side, however, is that because God was faithful before, i know He will continue to provide. maybe these feelings of loneliness and isolation are indeed feelings which will help me leave this place behind, and move on to whatever is next. it's just been a hard pre-transition, especially when what is next isn't really set in stone...i haven't heard from beeson and i'm getting worried because for once in my life, i have no backup plan. i'm guessing i'll hear either way in the next week...i'm just trying to remember that God has His timing, in all things.
it's nice whens omeone can find the words to express what you are feeling. until now, i would have never been able to put my finger on this condition. but after listening to those podcasts, it is clear the pain, loneliness, and fear i am feeling all come from "a dip" which is, in some ways, beyond my control. the bright side, however, is that because God was faithful before, i know He will continue to provide. maybe these feelings of loneliness and isolation are indeed feelings which will help me leave this place behind, and move on to whatever is next. it's just been a hard pre-transition, especially when what is next isn't really set in stone...i haven't heard from beeson and i'm getting worried because for once in my life, i have no backup plan. i'm guessing i'll hear either way in the next week...i'm just trying to remember that God has His timing, in all things.
spring is in the air...
Posteado en en 11:37 AM por amy
and even though it bothers my allergies, it is beautiful.
spring feels differently this year. i remember the springs from each of my years here at usc, and they all have been different. my freshmen year, spring was a time of happiness and hope: i was just getting into rhythm here at school, had found great friends, and felt like i really had found my place in this college world. my sophomore year, spring denoted change: going away on summer missions, ministry transitions, and yet it was beautiful because we cherished every moment we had with friends who were graduating that spring. my junior year, spring was bright and beautiful, but there was fear lurking in my heart: i worried that FUGE (and philly) wasn't going to be all that i had imagined, and i was afraid of what was next, especially with my new leadership in ministry. this spring is different from all the rest. it is beautiful, and fragrant, and mysterious, and sad, all at once. beautiful, because i know this is the perfect ending to an incredible time in college. mysterious, because i feel like i'm just around the corner of what is next, even though i can't quite grasp it. sad, because i know it's the last spring here. it's the last spring i'll walk down the horseshoe and see people playing ultimate. it's the last spring for baseball. it's the last time i'll see the dogwoods bloom here, with these people. i just want to cherish every moment of this, and not be sad or overwhelmed or frustrated (though it's my tendency to feel these things), because i know life and memories have already been made here, and what is next is up to God.
updates after time in a remote village in poland...
Posteado en en 10:04 AM por amy
wow. what a week it was! what a blessing. yet my heart aches, because we had to leave the Roma people. my heart aches because of the oppression and darkness in their society. and my heart rejoices because of the beauty of the goss family, and the love of the Roma believers, and my assurance that God is not through there and is going to do some miraculous things among those people.
amazing week. amazing place. amazing people.
amazing week. amazing place. amazing people.
life
Posteado en en 11:01 AM por amy
is short. as i sit and watch gilmore girls before i have lunch and get ready for my day (which includes picking up my cap and gown, getting a large strawberry limeade and tater tots from sonic, leadership team meeting, work, and another meeting), i was thinking about life and realized that it is short.
not necessarily short as in too few days (though it could be), but short as in it goes by so stinking fast. i mean, i don't feel like i should be graduating college already, and for some crazy reason i am. and i was thinking about how sometimes life just passes you by. and i think in some ways i've let life pass me by. i've hid behind my fear. i've allowed circumstances to get the best of me. in some ways, i've taken huge chances...but in others, especially a few that really do matter, i've backed away and let fear get the best of me. now, i don't know that my life would be any different had i stepped up to the challenge and been a little more...honest. in truth--probably not. but, the thing is, is that sometimes you really do just have to channel john mayer and "say what you need to say." even if it scares the crap out of you.
not necessarily short as in too few days (though it could be), but short as in it goes by so stinking fast. i mean, i don't feel like i should be graduating college already, and for some crazy reason i am. and i was thinking about how sometimes life just passes you by. and i think in some ways i've let life pass me by. i've hid behind my fear. i've allowed circumstances to get the best of me. in some ways, i've taken huge chances...but in others, especially a few that really do matter, i've backed away and let fear get the best of me. now, i don't know that my life would be any different had i stepped up to the challenge and been a little more...honest. in truth--probably not. but, the thing is, is that sometimes you really do just have to channel john mayer and "say what you need to say." even if it scares the crap out of you.
frustration and stress
Posteado en en 9:58 PM por amy
so i know it's only february, but let me tell you, i am already frustrated about what is going to happen in a few months. especially the packing up my entire life here and moving it six hours away...and then starting to work camp soon after that. i'm excited and extremely grateful for another summer to work camp, i just didn't quite realize that i would be working so soon after graduation. and that, my friends, stresses me out. in fact, i'm sitting here eating these mega pizza rolls just thinking about it.
and also my feeling stress me out. i wish i didn't have them, sometimes. most of the time. i just...i have to stop trusting my instinct. like, sometimes something feels right, and it's so not...but sometimes the things that are right, don't feel right at all. so, i don't know what to feel, or at least, what to let myself feel. and my emotions sure are not listening to my head right now, which is probably half of the problem. the other half of the problem is that i'm oblivious.
so for now, i'm going to sigh and enjoy the moment. not worry about what's next. not focus on tomorrow or yesterday. i'm going to put on my PJs and read and trust in God's grace. i'm going to journal my little heart out, in hopes that writing things will make them go away. i'm going to try and trust that God really does know better than i do, and i'm going to be thankful for what i have, instead of missing what i don't (or what i want).
and also my feeling stress me out. i wish i didn't have them, sometimes. most of the time. i just...i have to stop trusting my instinct. like, sometimes something feels right, and it's so not...but sometimes the things that are right, don't feel right at all. so, i don't know what to feel, or at least, what to let myself feel. and my emotions sure are not listening to my head right now, which is probably half of the problem. the other half of the problem is that i'm oblivious.
so for now, i'm going to sigh and enjoy the moment. not worry about what's next. not focus on tomorrow or yesterday. i'm going to put on my PJs and read and trust in God's grace. i'm going to journal my little heart out, in hopes that writing things will make them go away. i'm going to try and trust that God really does know better than i do, and i'm going to be thankful for what i have, instead of missing what i don't (or what i want).
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