i have to say it...

i'm such an SNL fan. i never get to watch it, but i do get to watch the re-caps online which is still great. what i love about it right now is that while they are focusing on politcal stuff--they are pretty fair to each side (by this, i mean ridiculing both sides). plus, i've seen both presidential candidates make appearances on SNL, as well as Palin...not sure if Biden has been on it yet (actual Biden), but still....pretty neat stuff.

i have lots of random and jobbled (is that a word) thoughts tonight. first of all, the lyrics from one of matt wertz's songs (he's one of my new favorites!)

sunlight dances with the distance

in her squinty eyed shoes

and I'm chasing down horizon

in hopes of being danced with too

...and another set of favorite lyrics from one of his other songs:

i will not take my love away

when praises cease and seasons change

while the whole world turns the other way

i will not take my love away

i will not leave you all alone

when striving leads you far from home

and there's no yield for what you've sown

i will not leave you all alone

these lyrics are beautiful and speak truth to my life right now in terms of my own longings and selfish desires. when it all comes down to it, we want to love and be loved, dang it. and regardless of how many friends we have, or how wonderful our family might be, at the end of the day, it's this idea of romantic love, of someone promising they won't take their love away, that gets us through it all. even if it hasn't happened. even if we're "anti-relationship" at the moment like i am. when it all comes down to it, that's the desire of the heart. i think this is our desire for selfish reasons, though. we want to feel good, and wanted. i have to admit, thinking of a recent situation with a guy....i didn't return his affection, but the idea of someone caring about me and thinking so highly of me was kind of nice. ultimately, i feel like this shows that we are seeking our worth in things other than Christ, which fails us and our savior. and we even try to justify why we shouldn't be single: why do i have to deserve this? i've had all these bad breaks, so why should i have to go through this? don't i DESERVE to find someone? this, my friends, is often how i feel. but at the end of the day, it's more important to trust God's bigger plan, even if it means you are going to be alone for another day, month, year, or the rest of your life. i'm preaching so much to the choir right now. when it all comes down to it, though, these are the two struggles constantly going on inside my heart, and it's frustrating.

okay, so change of thought...about what a little domestic apartment keeper i am. originally i had decided just to like buy pizza for tomorrow, but now i'm kind of thinking that i'd like to cook to ring in the election, even if i am going to be alone and not be able to share in the results with anyone else. i'm so domestic. gah...and still alone. okay, we're on a new topic, and i'm trying to get over that part, right? haha....

change of thought numero tres....i really am excited in some ways about what's next in my life. about a change of pace. i think it'll be good...despite the whole scared as crap part.