talk me out of tampa

just kidding...i'm not going to tampa or anything. actually the name of a joe nichol's song that i really have in my head at the moment...

do you ever wish your heart and soul could just figure it out? i wish i could sometimes...a lot of times. i'm kind of tired of being alone. i know i'm supposed to be patient, but i'm kind of tired of being patient too. i guess part of me just wishes i knew either way--i don't want to live life hoping that i'll meet someone and never do...and i know, people say you aren't alone, but it's not a lot of comfort at the end of the day when everyone else goes home to their families and you go home to your dog, or cat, or fish, or whatever. i mean, i like fish as much as the next person, but they aren't human companionship. i forget what i was going to say here, but it was profound. i think. ERGGG. haha. some of my singleness frustration is just ooozing out here.

so here's the thing: everytime i think i've figured it out, for myself, i find out that it's not figured out at all. and the times that someone else thinks they've figured it out--well, we're just on different pages i guess. i'm not saying i want to be in a relationship. if i wanted to be in one, i mean really wanted to, i could probably find someone desperate enough to date the girl who changes her mind every fifteen minutes about what's next in her life. that's not what i'm looking for exactly--not a relationship, or not just a relationship. i'm looking for a reason to believe in love again, because as hard as it is to accept...i know that how it's been is not how it's supposed to be. i know i didn't "deserve" any of that (i use the word deserve losely because i find it difficult to think of such things as fair and unfair, etc.). this summer changed how i trusted people and opened up to them. i just need it to continue...

this post makes NO sense. haha.