life

is short. as i sit and watch gilmore girls before i have lunch and get ready for my day (which includes picking up my cap and gown, getting a large strawberry limeade and tater tots from sonic, leadership team meeting, work, and another meeting), i was thinking about life and realized that it is short.

not necessarily short as in too few days (though it could be), but short as in it goes by so stinking fast. i mean, i don't feel like i should be graduating college already, and for some crazy reason i am. and i was thinking about how sometimes life just passes you by. and i think in some ways i've let life pass me by. i've hid behind my fear. i've allowed circumstances to get the best of me. in some ways, i've taken huge chances...but in others, especially a few that really do matter, i've backed away and let fear get the best of me. now, i don't know that my life would be any different had i stepped up to the challenge and been a little more...honest. in truth--probably not. but, the thing is, is that sometimes you really do just have to channel john mayer and "say what you need to say." even if it scares the crap out of you.

frustration and stress

so i know it's only february, but let me tell you, i am already frustrated about what is going to happen in a few months. especially the packing up my entire life here and moving it six hours away...and then starting to work camp soon after that. i'm excited and extremely grateful for another summer to work camp, i just didn't quite realize that i would be working so soon after graduation. and that, my friends, stresses me out. in fact, i'm sitting here eating these mega pizza rolls just thinking about it.

and also my feeling stress me out. i wish i didn't have them, sometimes. most of the time. i just...i have to stop trusting my instinct. like, sometimes something feels right, and it's so not...but sometimes the things that are right, don't feel right at all. so, i don't know what to feel, or at least, what to let myself feel. and my emotions sure are not listening to my head right now, which is probably half of the problem. the other half of the problem is that i'm oblivious.

so for now, i'm going to sigh and enjoy the moment. not worry about what's next. not focus on tomorrow or yesterday. i'm going to put on my PJs and read and trust in God's grace. i'm going to journal my little heart out, in hopes that writing things will make them go away. i'm going to try and trust that God really does know better than i do, and i'm going to be thankful for what i have, instead of missing what i don't (or what i want).