current favorite artist is matt nathanson. love him.
lately i'm questioning more and more about my lack of commitment. not, like, commitment in a serious way--like to living or to Christ or something....just my ability to make commitments and follow through. like, for instance--i have no problem at all making a commitment to doing something, or a role on leadership, or a job, or even friends...but there comes a time when i lose trust in others, and in myself, and i honestly don't know that i could ever be involved with anyone in a relationship capacity because i just can't commit. i can't fathom the idea. part of it's control, i guess. these thoughts are so random.
"and you hold me in your arms
and all that i can see is my future in your hands
and all that i can feel is how long ever after is
it's all that i can do, just to be with you, just to be with you
in your wedding dress, to have and hold
even at my best, i want to let go..."
~matt nathanson
complications
Posteado en en Monday, September 29, 2008 12:46 AM por amy
why does life have to be so complicated? honestly. why can't i figure out what i want?
i guess these are supreme questions we all ask ourselves....and i have a lot of them tonight.
"...even at my best, i want to let go...."
~matt nathanson
i guess these are supreme questions we all ask ourselves....and i have a lot of them tonight.
"...even at my best, i want to let go...."
~matt nathanson
the good thing about camp...
Posteado en en Sunday, September 28, 2008 2:43 PM por amy
is that it gets in your system for the summer. for seven to ten weeks, you live, breathe, smell camp. it's your lifestyle. it's the way things work.
the bad thing about camp, is that it gets in your system. and you can't get it out. and it's the kind of thing that you know has to end, but you long for it even long after the boxes are inventored and the pods are packed to head back to nashville.
and you know, you miss the big things, but even more you miss the little things. i miss checking mics every morning and night. i miss straightening chairs. i miss throwing freeze pops at people on their birthdays. i miss our weekly eval meetings (i really do!). i miss waking up to the sound of kara's voice. i miss my monday and wednesday meals with lindsey over cherry coke, sprite, and turkey enchiladas. i miss working in the store. i miss wawa runs on friday nights. i miss my mauritius flag.
it makes me think of all the things i have taken for granted this summer. i thought i would have those friends forever around me. i thought i'd always be supported in my ministry. but fall comes, and times get tough, and you have to reminder that God provides in the valley and expects contentment and joy in every situation--because we find our joy and peace in Him. i'm so glad it's not conditional or circumstantial.
the bad thing about camp, is that it gets in your system. and you can't get it out. and it's the kind of thing that you know has to end, but you long for it even long after the boxes are inventored and the pods are packed to head back to nashville.
and you know, you miss the big things, but even more you miss the little things. i miss checking mics every morning and night. i miss straightening chairs. i miss throwing freeze pops at people on their birthdays. i miss our weekly eval meetings (i really do!). i miss waking up to the sound of kara's voice. i miss my monday and wednesday meals with lindsey over cherry coke, sprite, and turkey enchiladas. i miss working in the store. i miss wawa runs on friday nights. i miss my mauritius flag.
it makes me think of all the things i have taken for granted this summer. i thought i would have those friends forever around me. i thought i'd always be supported in my ministry. but fall comes, and times get tough, and you have to reminder that God provides in the valley and expects contentment and joy in every situation--because we find our joy and peace in Him. i'm so glad it's not conditional or circumstantial.
fall is here...
Posteado en en Wednesday, September 24, 2008 9:07 PM por amy
maybe. i know it'll warm up again, but today was mi-70s with a nice northern breeze. it made me (almost) feel like i was at home. for some reason, fall just fits for me. the leaves, the high school football games, the bonfires, making fires in the stove, eating pumpkin pie, homecoming..it fits me like my favorite carolina hoodie. i love that about life.
the other day, as i was listening to the radio, the toby mac song "lose your soul" came on the radio. it was the first time i had really listened to the lyrics. it was the first time, more than that, i had really pondered the reality of the verse. we often think about "gaining the whole world, and yet losing your soul" in such a weird manner. i think about politicians, and movie stars, and musicians, and wealthy people...people who are searching with all that they have for satisfaction in the things of the world, and who are losing their souls in the process.
but it was in this pondering that i begin to think of all the ways i betray my God each and every day, and all the things of the world i look to for comfort and reassurance instead of my Heavenly Father. i'm not in the same boat as others, because i am a believer, but it still seems that even in our tradition we like to throw off our faith for the next thing that passes us by, that works out better, that gives us the answer we want to hear instead of the answer which comes from Truth. it kind of makes you sick, to sit back and think about the wretchedness of humanity and to see your place in it all. i'm thankful for Someone who can wash away my sins.
the other day, as i was listening to the radio, the toby mac song "lose your soul" came on the radio. it was the first time i had really listened to the lyrics. it was the first time, more than that, i had really pondered the reality of the verse. we often think about "gaining the whole world, and yet losing your soul" in such a weird manner. i think about politicians, and movie stars, and musicians, and wealthy people...people who are searching with all that they have for satisfaction in the things of the world, and who are losing their souls in the process.
but it was in this pondering that i begin to think of all the ways i betray my God each and every day, and all the things of the world i look to for comfort and reassurance instead of my Heavenly Father. i'm not in the same boat as others, because i am a believer, but it still seems that even in our tradition we like to throw off our faith for the next thing that passes us by, that works out better, that gives us the answer we want to hear instead of the answer which comes from Truth. it kind of makes you sick, to sit back and think about the wretchedness of humanity and to see your place in it all. i'm thankful for Someone who can wash away my sins.
so....
Posteado en en Saturday, September 20, 2008 11:27 PM por amy
i gave in, and came to blogspot. no one really reads xanga anymore. it's much more difficult to do the whole layout thing on here...i've found a lot that i like, that for some reason just aren't cooperating with the site...hmrph.
i'll think of something more profound to say tomorrow...good night!
i'll think of something more profound to say tomorrow...good night!
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