God is faithful

i originally titled this blog "a moment of doubt" about five minutes ago. over the last day, Satan has really used my insecurity to make me doubt what is next. in fact, he's been using it for a while and wanting me to regret leaving all this--what i know, what is comfortable, what i love--behind for whatever's next. and he's done a good job. i've felt scared and really unsure. i've felt like i'm going to a foreign place. i've felt really alone. i've felt afraid. i've doubted my finances. i've been frustrated with the details of moving. Satan is really, really quite skilled at what he does.

fortunately for me, i also serve a God who is faithful; who has been faithful, who is faithful, and who will continue to be faithful. i woke up this morning feeling quite sorry for myself and my woeful situation of leaving behind the people i care about, for the unknown. and then, i got on facebook.

a few weeks ago, i got back from poland. i've been processing the trip for a while, but last night i had a series of very weird dreams, one which featured graciana, one of the little children there (and i probably just massacred the spelling of her name). when i logged onto my facebook, i saw that my poland teammate eric had posted a video of our time in poland. it took about two minutes for the video to play and to realize that i'm being stupid. i was scared to death about going to poland--and it ended up being the most amazing experience in the world.

so i started to think of all the things that have scared me to death. they've all been transitions, and they've all been hard. but i think i can honestly say that they have turned out for the best. i was scared to death about coming to college. about going to BCM for the first time. about serving as a summer missionary. about working camp. about being BCM president. and so it's normal for me to feel this way, but i have to remember one thing...

my God...he's a whole heck of a lot bigger than all of my worries, fears, and doubts. i don't just want to say it....i want to believe it.