the worst (and best?) of me.

so i was thinking today about some of the terrible things about me...bad habits...things that drive even me crazy about myself...and here are just a few:

my hair isn't straight. my hair isn't wavy.  my hair isn't curly.  it's this weird mixture of the three, which can sometimes be tamed with a straightener, and other times with a blow dryer.  and sometimes, it just has to go free, with gel, like today, in a tangled, curly, frazzled mess.

speaking of, another bad habit is that sometimes, i really am a frazzled mess.  it's not visible to many, except those who are close to me.  issues in one area of my life can affect my entire life, my entire day, my entire mood--like right now, i'm depressed about having to study yet again, and that really just put me in a terrible mood concerning life, even though life itself is not terrible.

i worry way too much about money.  for instance, today i found this really cute shirt at gap--in my color, and my size--which was originally $29.99, but on sale for $14.99. i tried it on and loved it!  and even though it was 40% off the sale price (i.e. 8.99!) i was still stressed about getting it, even though i have some wiggle room in my budget and some potential babysitting jobs and clients.

i care too much about what other people think. i like to pretend that i'm a rebel and all that stuff, but really--i care about the opinions of others, mostly of people who don't matter. this is also an issue with the whole marriage thing.  i don't want to get married right now, and i'm not at beeson to get my mrs. degree (i thought i should answer this question before marcus tried to lie to the world about my seminary intentions...) but sometimes, the pressure of society is frustrating, and i let myself think that "i'll never find anyone" and "i'll always be alone," and then i equate being alone with being unhappy, and then i become even more of a frazzled mess.

i'm stubborn to a fault. i don't like to let people in, or get help, or anything like that.

i set my alarm three times on purpose, so that i don't have to get up until the last one goes off at 6:50am.

i have a weakness for sprite, sweet tea, and cherry coke. i like water...i really do.  i just wish i liked it more.

i have really messy handwriting when i'm trying to write quickly, like on a test. and if i don't know the answer, i like to embellish things, restate the question, and talk a lot of mumbo jumbo because, as an english minor, i was taught to lie my way through papers with the best of them.

i watch terrible tv shows, with no taste or moral substance.

i get upset anytime a team i hate wins anything--mostly unc. if unc won a game against the non-existent columbia college football team, i'd be mad.

i get really, really agitated when people never return phone calls or text messages, especially if they call me first, and especially if i leave them a voicemail.

anytime my friends get boyfriends or girlfriends, i'm secretly afraid they are going to be like everyone else and abandon me for their significant others.

so...yeah.  sometimes, i'm a ridiculous mess. right now, i'm a ridiculous mess with my curly hair, grey sweatpants, faded boston tee, and sore throat.  my foot hurts, i'm annoyed at studying, and in general i feel restless.

but on the bright side...jesus loves me just as i am, and that's enough for yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  it's more than enough for right now--it's enough for forever.