weirdness, fate, destiny, and other random things.

this weekend was a real deja vu experience for me altogether. it was almost...odd. its theme song would definitely be "again" by needtobreathe, which is currently playing over and over again in my head.

regrets. fate. destiny. second chances. they're all kind of squirrelly things, aren't they? it seems almost easy to say that maybe we're given a "second chance" for things to be right again, but maybe it's just a continuance of the first. at one time, i thought the worst thing in the world was being rejected--caring for someone and not having them return that sentiment in the same way. while i still agree that is awful, i find what is much more difficult to deal with is knowing something isn't right, no matter how wonderful it feels. knowing that it's not that the "timing is off" or that "circumstances won't allow" but that it's just not supposed to be this way. it doesn't get to end up like this. i don't get to play the pretend fairy tales in my head. things are going to stay the way they are, because that, my friends, is just how it is supposed to be.

and i guess what might be even more frustrating than the whole "it's not going to work out" thing, is knowing this in the face of something that looks perfect on the outside, that seems to fit just right. you know, in my personal life, i have this awful and terrible habit of imagining things turning out perfectly, like a nice neat story. but at the end of the day, although life is beautiful, it isn't a nice, easy story, cut out perfectly with straight edges, where someone has colored in the right parts and penned a common sense tale that everyone saw coming. in the end, life is colored outside the lines, blurry, with fuzzy edges, rough corners, and a mumbling of words which echoes across time. it's not perfect, and no one ever said it would be, and in the end....why would anyone want to settle for perfect when they can have real, and unpredictable, and unique?

such a good question.